Category: talking to myself

Weekend starts early

It’s my rule that Friday, there will be no “hard labor.” And, tomorrow we’re going to Bohol for reason which cannot be said. No. It will not be a running event. =) But the friends and I promised to do an early run to Cafe Lawis for breakfast. I’m not sure if they’re open though. But for the one time I had been to Bohol, I think Cafe Lawis should not be missed. (More about it here >>.)

Things to do before my weekend, and before I do IG-worthy moments at Bohol:

* The Athletes Talk video. Gawd, I’m so bad with handling videos. Plus the rest of the video is in android phone. F%#^%#$&%#&#^%&^% transferring data from android to an iOS device. =|
* Set up a teaser post for the Trail Running 101 Talk this Feb. 13, 2014. Pls join us! I’ll post details on http://runroo.com.
* Shoot email to the dear runroo contributors!
* and the many…. ENOUGH!

How can I pull it off?!? I still need to do some grocery / food stocking before I left, and find Meg’s red beans and mussel (I think it’s tahong) for her project this Saturday.

Sigh! My made-up busy list! =)

Photo by Stacey Cardoso

Blessing in disguise?

The back of our doll house got (minimal) flooded months ago because of cracks from the wall, thus too much water from the cracks w/ small drainage was equal to flood when rains got extra strong.

So we had not much choice but to have the walls, the drainage and all repaired by our dear neighbor carpenter Master Ken (if you need a handyman to carpenter, i highly recommend Master Ken. Message for contact number.) With 3 kids at home which at times would be left with just the Ate, we just had to do the repairs.
Funny how after all the repairs to prevent flood getting into our house, we were never again getting any very strong rains. Except, we got earthquake and after after aftershocks.
After listening to the strong rumble for yet another shock or quake, the mini “floods” were probably blessing in disguise; or else, our wall at the back, will not really totally broken down, but there were no small bits and pieces of falling from it.
Buyag buyag buyag!!! Thank you, Lord! 🙂

Growing a marriage? Keeping a marriage? Or whatever you call it!

(I posted this last March, in time for our wedding anniversary. But I took it down because I mistakenly shared it in runroo or aktib’s social sites. And, just remember now to put it back.)

Last week, March 6, was our 9th wedding anniversary. We we’re boyfriend-girlfriend for 5 years. So we’re together for 14 years in total. Maybe 14 years gives me a right to talk about marriage and such. But anyhoo, 14 years or not, no one can stop my self-righteous mouth to talk about marriage and such.

Growing a marriage? Keeping a marriage? Or whatever you call it!

I think you do not grow the marriage or relationship. It’s more of you grow individually as a person.

And, I strongly believe that you should not burden your partner or make him / her responsible for you to be happy. The best gift we can give to another person is being a happy individual.

And, we do not grow when we’re too focused on the relationship, of ourselves, of him, of us, of what should be an ideal marriage. 

And, I don’t know how to explain this part.

So maybe I’ll talk about how it happened on us.

A jolt of growing up happens to us when Mark took a “managerial” task. Mark has always been the “leader.” But unlike before that it was only among his few friends that if ever Mark made some stupid decision, friends would understand.

This new “managerial” task is a totally different ball-game. It’s no longer just about his few “friends.” It’s about other people who have family and maybe a few relatives to take care of. That whatever silly decision he will make, it’s just not about me and our kids getting hungry or being homeless or going to debt.

Being in this situation, when we start to look outside our own circle/family’s comfort, our own misery seems to be trivial. With 101 issues to deal and different personalities to work with, a forgotten date / birthday is just a very welcome misery to deal with.

I may be too fake to be saying this but our dream has become of seeing others’ dream come true. So I don’t get sad when people leave because it means their taking actions to make their dreams come true. The only sad thing was that Mark was no help to them. (When someone asked me about people resigning.)

And, this is what I mean NOT being too focused on the relationship.

It’s not being a hero or overly-generous. It’s actually self-serving. I believe in karma. That when we start to think about the welfare of other people, I believe that they or others would do so with our kids. It’s a more sustainable inheritance for my kids.

So about marriage? Seriously, I don’t know. It’s something we don’t think about.

Wealthy People Don’t Flaunt Their Stuff…

With the bash on Napoles daughter for flaunting her stuff on social media, a lot of people are commenting that real rich people don’t flaunt their expensive stuff.

But why?!?

* because real wealth is their brains, and what made them up, which is hard to visually flaunt.
* because wealthy people aim for things / goals that they cannot mostly achieve, like “world peace”
* because expensive stuff is nothing new, and nothing out of ordinary for them
* because they know that they owe whatever they have to a lot of people, and flaunting them is not the best way to be thankful about it.

Speaking like a real rich diva!!!

Our mansion, I could not afford!

Living without Feedback

On my way home from a quick run, I stumbled upon an elderly woman carrying a sack-full of jackfruits on her back, and some plants. I tried offering her a help but she refused it. Then, she went talking about jackfruit & coconut concoctions and other herbal stuff, conversation topic I can not resist. So I walked with her, talking about her lady boss, to plants, and back.

Then, in between our conversation, she asked me if I’m married. Then out-of-the-blue:

Manang: Manapat imong bana, ‘day?
Me: Di man, mdm.
Manang: Swerte ka kay bootan imong bana.
Me: Wa man seguro’y bana nga manapat, mdm.
Manang: Naa oy. Na priso gali ko kay nisukol ko sa akong bana. Iyaha kong gibunalan sa ulo. Ako syang gi dunggab.
Then, we went on talking how she got out of the jail, until her husband died and so on and so forth.
(For non-Cebuano, the elderly woman told me she’s physically abused wife, and that I was lucky because my husband is gay.)

When we parted, while waiting for Mark to pick me up because of heavy downpour and strong winds, I was thinking what was the worst abuse I got from Mark.

Physically, none. But mentally and emotionally, maybe. Living with mark can be such mentally and emotionally crasher. Mark does not send out verbal abuse. Mark does not send out any verbal feedback at all. And, if he ever send out one, it’s always a feedback that would ask you to feedback yourself.

Being human, it’s our nature to seek some approval. But with Mark, it’s like posting a facebook status and you asked him to like it, but he would reply, “you have a computer, fb account and internet connection, why not do it your self?”

Or, you rant about something. His reply would always be “your whining does not change any thing. Why not go and do something about it?”

And, my usual “I am depressed. I hate life.” His would be, then “Push back. Fight back.”

Or, I want to do this, what to do. His would “Go get yourself a book. You are smart enough to read. The internet is free.”

He FRUSTRATED ME!!! Talking to him / asking help from him is like hitting a dead end, or hitting my head on a wall. It’s useless, and it does not make me feel any better.

I do not know if I was doing good or what.

But as they say what does not kill you will make you stronger.

I guess I reached the point that feedback no longer matters. When someone is telling you good, it means you need to do better. It’s better I don’t hear feedback. Because as Haruki would say “award means you’re finished.” (But then as society dictates, you need to be thankful of compliments and awards. Not that I have any awards though.)

Imagine eating without any sensory feedback that you are already full or you’re eating bitter or too sweet? And, imagine to living a life without any feedback that we are already full or you’re going the wrong and right way.

I guess it just comes to the point that every thing is right. A wrong or right is still correct, unless you go do it and prove it otherwise.

And, but you don’t know what is full life. Or, does it still matter?

Frustrating?!?

Planner: stop signal

I love planners. I used to collect them back then especially orange ones. But years ago, I gave up getting one because they always ended up unused. I don’t really use them because my mind is so cluttered, there’s just no way to plot out my “plans.” 

But lately, bouts of depression pops up because of my task list that does not seem to move anywhere, I thought plotting out my weekly/monthly task might help the down-side of my bipolarness. 
I still get my month-end depression but at least, it smoothens my cluttered way of working. Before I just do the 1st task that would pop up in my mind, or do all of them or insert whatever would fancy me at the moment. That’s why it seems I havent done any thing because I keep doing other things, which are not in my task list, just because i fancy them. Right now, whenever some thing fancies me, I’ll look at my planner to tell me “Noooo. Don’t ever be a hero!” at least I’m guided as to what things I’ll do. 
So I guess the best thing the planner does to me is, not that I’m now organized, telling me when to STOP!
I guess the main problem before of not having a list of things to do in a day is that I don’t know when to stop. Thus, if things are not done in the weekdays, I tend to work also in the weekend, which I don’t really mind except that “family time” keeps nagging at me. 
Thus when month ends, i’m depressed because it feels That aside that i have no progress in my work, i also suck at family thingie!
With planner, I may not finish all whay’s in a list but at least it also gives me a look of things I have checked off. 🙂
(My first journal that is so outdated as the calendar is still 2012. Now i understand why it was on sale.)

PTA Meeting

Migi is already in grade 3. He started in his school now when he was 5yrs. He’s now going 9yrs old. So he probably have stayed in this school for 4 years.

And, maybe in every school year, I would attend 1 or 2 school meetings.
In the last PTA meeting, I was glad there was no longer discussion about car parking woes. Because seriously, I found it so superficial.
Discussion moved on to about the new subject “mother tongue” and parents complaining about too much assignments. I kind of agree with “too much assignments” but I don’t agree with their reason that they, mothers, could no longer cope up with helping their kids in their assignment. Hello?!?
If you have a glimpse of the human resource power in a company, seriously, as much as possible, you definitely want to avoid having this kids raised with that kind  of parents, despite all the A’s in their grades.
And, I realized that though the concerns changed, from car parking woes to too many assignments, the complainants are the same set of people. Yes, that mother who complained about mother tongue was the same mother who complained about the time or the costume of their kids’ activity in another meeting, or their kids’ scores in exams. 
Sometimes, I could not help but ask if they’re sincere or they just need attention?!? I guess there are just people who are like that. 

Conversations Over Inun-onan

I was attending the press conference of 1st Olango Ultramarathon 50K at tourism office of Lapu-lapu City, when one the guys looked very familiar. So I took the courage, and approached him. That’s when I found out he was Ka Bino. I don’t like to compare him to Carlos Celdran, but to give you an idea of who he is; he’s like Carlos Celdran who gives historical tour and more than that. You can find more about Ka Bino from his website here >>.
He is a consultant of the Lapu-lapu tourism, that’s why he was there during the press conference. 
After the presscon, we proceeded to a carenderia (eatery) for lunch. And, after a long time, I just witnessed one of the best conversations.
While, I was attacking the inun-onan (fish dish), Ka Bino was discussing about politics to history, to trivias, and his own take of the history. That moment you wish how come this does not happen much on social sites.
not inun-onan

It was nice to hear them arguing over the different political personalities or issues without getting personal, just purely intellectual discussion.

A very meaty lunch, indeed!

Anyhoo, for those interested of 1st Olango Ultramarathon, check other post at runroo, Leave No Island Un-Traced: CUC on Tour Visayas Leg 2 Goes OMG (Olango My Getaway!) Ultramarathon. 

My “Work of Art” Was Demeaning?!?

Yesterday I saw +Mark Joseph Deutsch of Happy Garaje created the below poster for +Adrian Walag the Wagee’s Enduro event. And, I thought to make one also for an ultramarathon in Negros Occidental, an organizer shared with me to work on. So I load the “skitch” and craft my work of art event poster.

The organizer has this promo discounts for his race event, and so I thought to make a poster for it. And, this is the most creative I came up with.

Isn’t it naturally beautiful?!? 

It’s about a Lola against a runner. It’s like she’s challenging runners that if she can do it at her age, shame on runners who chickened out on this.

It’s also about the Lola being a local resident of the race route welcoming runners to their area. For me it’s always important that locals of the race area should be thanked for for sharing their place to the outsider runners.

So that was my meaning behind the poster. So I happily posted it on runroo’s page and blog site.

But then an hour after, someone commented that the picture was “offensive,” and it was “demeaning” to the runners. It “rattled” me. Hey, I would never ever do that. So I took the poster down right away, and find the person who made the comment, and apologize to him. (I missed to screenshot the comment for posterity. That’s how I was in #thatawkwardmoment.)

So I asked Markjeee to take a look at my work of art, and tell me what’s wrong with it, why it’s offensive. He said because it looked like an African Malnourished Child poster, like a beggar.

Ow! =( “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” indeed. It makes me think I might have a very wrong set of requirements for what is beautiful.

Anyhow, I’m thankful to the person who took the time to point it out to me that it’s offensive. At least, I’m now doubly careful as to what to post. =)