It’s been only 4 months since my nanay was diagnosed with terminal cancer. But it feels like we’ve been in it forever. Though Mark would say that we’re still very lucky because at least it’s not WWII or we’re Syrians.
Being the pessimist (please let me indulge in it because i really do try hard to be sunshiny most of the time, and i want to rest that part of me even just for this), i cannot help but think what’s worth of the life when it will end like this? I think there’s no easy way of dying (maybe tragic sudden death?). Wether it’s cancer or age-ing or other terminal sickness.
Being a mother, it kind of scares me to think that one day my kids will somehow go thru this. There’s just no way I can remove them from it. Maybe let them not be alien to pains and hardships so as to prepare them, but that is hard since we’re genetically wired to avoid them, and so is our instinct to protect our children.
If the cost and responsibility of raising a child does not scare you, here are Some other thoughts to consider before we romantically propagate:
1. Life is beautiful. But Every thing in this life, including the end of it, is hardwork. Therefore Beautiful is hardwork. Think of that, that is what a child will deal with when you bring one to the world.
2. Uncertainty is okay. Pain/discomfort is okay. Each can toughen us up. Positive + positive is supposed to be positive but i’m not sure with the case of uncertainty + pain together.
Before you bear a child as a “requirement” of being a complete family / to complete you (seriously,
Please don’t put the burden of “completing” you or your feel-good happiness on a child), think of that uncertainty + pain waiting for them.
3. How do we live life to make the painful end worth it? But looking at my mother, there’s probably nothing to worry about.
I feel that after the hullabaloo of life, we just want to exit swiftly. Wether we leave a legacy or none, we just probably want to move on without much raucous. My point is just do it or don’t do it as It somehow will no longer matter when you’re in deathbed… in pain and uncertain. When whatever fullfilment or regrets will not numb or end the uncertainty of being in pain.
But as they quotable quote goes “suffering is optional.” That I still need to find out how to.
On the other thought, life goes on. (Insert whatever quotable quote to end this.)