I’m feeling mentally and emotionally spent. I’m not complaining. It’s just one of those days that I just want to be idle — like go to a movie house, buy the biggest popcorn and mt dew, then watch a mindless movie. Or, any thing that does not cause any friction in my brains.
Somewhere along the way in my life, I dunno what happen but there is something in my brain that is switched. I just hate to be mindless, the idleness — which is the total opposite of what I was. I dunno if it’s because that’s what I really want in my life, or is it because of other people’s expectations of me. And, I’m so gonna hate myself if it’s because of the latter.
When I get tired, I tried to analyze what happen to me — to the wind of change. And, I always end up blaming the depression I had back then — it was the thing that caused the switched in me. But I’m not really sure. Probably, I’m just making it up.
I’m rambling because I’m tired now. I want to have the ‘mindless rose’ back because I’m just simply tired — not the whiny tired. Unfortunately, the ‘mindful rose’ cannot be put off — just too stubborn to be tamed, just keeps nagging and nagging and nagging. I really want to gag her to shut her up.
That’s the closest valentine-thingy I can remember about Valentines. But ‘mindful rose’ doesn’t give a damn of those stuff. It’s a waste of time.
I dunno if what I come to is good or bad. I bored myself.