i change

* i had a quick convo with a friend over skype the other day which revolves around her plans of going abroad to earn more since her daughter will soon be going to school. and you know how i feel about school and such. so i told her, it’s ridiculous for her to leave her daughter just to put her on some expensive private school and blahblahblah — my usual blahblah abt schools and such.

then, she told me that i change.

* i haven’t put much of my thoughts about parenting here, which is kind of sad for me. it’s been 6 years that i’ve been dumping my here and there thoughts.

but i change. and some of my outlook in life are no longer for GP.

* a lot of things happen since like last quarter of last year, which kind of push me to try to look into stuff deeper.

* i guess for one with mark having to transition from being a programmer to ‘manager’ — i don’t really like the term but i can’t find another term for it. you might wonder what it’s got to do with me.

with him as a programmer, mark only needs to deal with codes — easy to manipulate. but with him now having to somehow see after his workmates, it’s such a different thing for him. it’s not an easy task because it’s something he is not , in a way, that his decisions are not only about him and his set of barkadas and our family, but it will now affect more people and their respective family.

so it’s like day after day, i have to listen to him rationalizing things and stuff before making decisions in work. i don’t want to bore myself with details. but it’s just that lines of random programming codes is totally a different ball game from taking care of people.

and, it gets me antsy in a way because somehow i know his other workmates more than just workmates — well, for me, i’d like to believe the relationship is deeper than that. and one wrong move may cause a friendship, a job, and not to mention how it will affect the family of that person.

* so somehow, it kind of pushes me to think beyond, not only about us, our family, but those workmates/friends and their families and their soon-to-be-children. and as i try to open up my mind to other people’s welfare, it kind of also expand my thinking to the community, to the philippines and the whole world (exagge)

* so it kind of make me read more stuff, books, to fidel castro to whatever to somehow like have a better understanding of us. and somehow the things i find out are kind of not GP — it’s not like the mainstream kind of thinking that i’m used to. it’s something that i might upset some. so i’d rather keep them in my mind.

* you might wonder why would i bother again to understand ‘life’ when it’s my husband’s job. i guess it’s because i’m like his sounding board. and somehow i need to give him some sound ‘answers’ because we’re no longer talking about our lives only. it’s someone’s life and his /her children’s/wife’s/family’s lives.

and i guess that’s another reason why i’d rather keep them all in my mind since it’s no longer about me.

* and back to education, when somehow i try to think beyond the four walls of my house, it’s like the private / public education of my kids does not matter much.

* and, we always somehow get to a point where we would talk about as to how much one should earn to be able to stay and live comfortably in the philippines. it’s the goal of their company to somehow be able to provide theirselves a good life here. i guess we all know, working abroad is like the ‘karibal’ of local businesses.

* but we kind of realized that there are more to ‘living a comfortable life’ than money. i mean no question, we can earn as many as we like here in the Philippines, but there are things like a free better education, a better social security, a PARK (really, why can’t we have free clean parks here in PH), a better healthcare system, a better government culture which an employer  or even our own business cannot provide.

of course, you can bubblewrap your life here — live in an exclusive subdivision where there are parks and such, send your school to private schools and such, have the best doctors, invest on retirements/ but after all these, it can feel superficial.

* see, i’m quite far out already. or, so i would like to believe.