my 6th year as a ‘mother’

Migi turned 6 yesterday, it means it’s also my 6 year of being a mother. Really, 6 years. I remember before when I see few friends whose kids turned 5, I would feel that ‘tiguwang na jud akong miga.’ I meant ‘tiguwang’ as mature or something with lots of experience. So now that it happens to me, it’s like really what happen?

God has been really good to me/us that when it rained, it poured… of tiny little tots now screaming not-so-little monsters. (insert sarcasm)

There are so many things in my mind about parenting from losing your life to finding the meaning of life. Let me do it randomly.

Parenting/Family Magazines are NO Help

When we first gave birth, I was 24 and Mark would be 25 in a month’s time. It was at the time when all our friends are chasing life in the corporate world or their business. Well, the 2 of us, well actually it was just I thought that life is having family and babies and you know that happy family picnicking painted on TV soap operas and commercials. 

But of course, it’s not how it is in real life. Your money is already in the milks and diapers and rents and bill, where would you ever get money for your picnics, and suggested ‘budget-friendly’ family activities by parenting magazines? Geezzz, how I loathe parenting magazines. You know they have these articles about “How to Spend Less on Preparing for Upcoming Babies or for Upcoming School Days” but right beside the article are ADS, millions of ads saying ‘buy this to give the best to your babies.’ And, here you are as a mother, you’d feel gawd, how poor my kid, he/she only has hand-me-down avents. Sheyt, they should be burned! Unless, they will get me to write for them. =)))

No More Parties and Kiddie parties are meant for KIDS

You know how single people usually schedule their parties on a friday or a weekend. What happen to our case is that when our kids were little, our circle of friends don’t have kids yet. As I say, they know life better so they go and build their career and such. So when they had parties, we could not attend, most of the time, because we have to babysit. Before, we’re both working, being away from the kids the whole week, the last thing I want to do was deprived my children of another night with a late parent coming home. So fridays were no-no parties. Weekends were/are the time we become martyrs and act like real parents. So ‘early stage’ of parenting, forget about social life.

And, you know if we have to attend parties and bring more-than-one kid, it’s just like we’re not attending the party because we will be busy chasing after the little monsters. And, add to that, you have to bring all these sort of baby devices — feeding bottles to strollers. Pfft party. You know, I’d rather stay home, and chase them there.

And, night-outs with girl friends had to be cut short because I cannot be staying out late.

Finally, our kids are bit bigger. And, we also have loosen up. We kind of somehow are now more comfortable switching from one persona to parenting and such, we have now little freedom to socialize. But guess what, our circle of friends are starting to breed babies. Just when we can party, they can no longer party. =)

Outside Looking In

As I mentioned, we’re kind of ‘advanced’ in making and raising babies. When I started being a mother, I would usually find myself not much friends to talk to because 99% of them are single (thus, the reason internet became my bestfriend. I find comfort in other mommy blogs who were equally confused as me.). Child-less friends can not relate why having babies is such a whack when it’s supposed to be a bliss. And the very few friends I have who has child do not have much time to be around you.

Now after 6 years with 3 kids, then I see my friends who are just starting in the ‘parenting’ field, they kind of replace me now in the ‘what-to-do-what-to-do’ situation, I’m sorry but I can’t help to feel I have the last laugh! =))) Oh new parents, fussing over avent or not, crib or not, and social life slowly being taken way from them — it just feels so good that I could say ‘been there, done that now it’s your turn over those sleepless nights and awkward moments being a new parent.’

Haha, I’m so bad. =) Here I am smiling at them looking funny and awkward. =)))

Parenting Desensitization

Really, I still have sleepless nights, those sick-kids moments, puking session, but ‘gikubal nako.’ They do not scare me like before. With 3 kids in a row, you are like always in the calamity zone. Of course, it’s still stressful but somehow you know what will happen so you are no longer as clueless as before. 

With 3 kids in a row,you have to deal with terrible 2s three times and in bundles that after some time, you embrace terrible 2s as a way of life. They bitch, you bite your lips, they bitch more, you bitch back because in real world, it can be bitchier.
 
I guess the good thing of having 3 kids in a row is that you will feel helpless and no-control of how to keep peace and harmony, that the only way to keep your sanity is to let go. I can no longer keep up chasing, running after them to keep them behave like how kids are being portrayed in parenting magazines. You know those articles in parenting magazines about terrible twos where they placed a baby throwing tantrums but still look cute and so dressed up. REally, kids making ‘manya’ is not cute especially when you have 3 doing it simultaneously!

Kids are not reflection of who you are, nor parents are reflection of who the kids are

There’s the time that Migi failed a preschool entrance exam. I so took it against myself, how such a crappy mother I was, and because of my being such a crap, now my kid’s future would be doomed.

If you look at it, why did I feel so bad? Migi did not really care about failing it or not. It does not make him a lesser kid. So why feel bad about it? Because I took it that my kid’s failure as a sign/reflection that I was a failure mother.

I think my point is that when you take it that your kid is a reflection of who we are as a parents, we tend to be uptight that we do not give them much room to be stupid.
 
Ahh, I don’t know how to explain it, basta mao na na. This is getting long.