when things get too much, PUSH BACK

ever since i quit from my last real job, backed out from a ‘raket’ job
now, i gave up another ‘raket’ job (boom boom and all the drama)
i now finally get to have some time to listen to some music. (literally.listening to extraordinary love cover by mymp.i still think jeniffer love-hewit’s the best.)

ever since i ‘quit,’ i felt every thing is non-stop, i’m like rushing from one thing to another
just whatever my hands could get on.
and, i think it’s because to make up for those stuff i turned my back from
to justify my being unemployed and ‘palamunin’
i have to look busy
mark and i have this agreement — 3 weekdays out of the house, 2 weekdays and weekends at
so i have to cram all the things i need to do in 3 weekdays

when i quit, i had the goal of becoming a ‘freelance’ writer
then i want something more
so i get into any thing which i think could help me get to what ever is that ‘something more’ i want
then, i finally find something i really really really like
which i posted about it last time
i wanna be jessica livingston, or something just a little close to her, 

for the whole 28years that i existed, it is just now that i have something i really really really like
so bad it hurts, i do not mind jumping off from a cliff just to have it (all the exagge)
you know if it is just possible, i will work on it 24hours — which is a big NO NO NO because i have kids
thus, sometimes i have the urge to bang my head on the wall
for how i wasted my time back in college, back when i was still single
when nobody cares if i sleep or not
when nobody gets affected if i get cranky, stressed, and ready to eat humans alive
if i could just reach out to that ‘college-kid drifter rose back in time’, i would shake her to death to wake her up and how she wasted time
so over these months, i am unemployed — i turn myself to becoming such an ambitious whore

since i already felt old, 3 kids waiting for me
i could really really really get cranky and moody when things don’t get as i planned because i do not have the luxury of abundant free time
and, i really get crank early this morning
so according to mark, my only other friend (gawd, how lifeless i can be)
when you feel being too pressed by things, PUSH BACK

so i’m pushing back some things that i could no longer handle
i have 3 options to give up — my jessica livingston obsession, my raket job, or cut on my time with my kids
so tada, bye bye raket job.
welcome, struggling ‘ambitious life’
local tech scene, here i come!
i’ll be turning Cebu to silicon valley-ish
where we are tech innovators, and not just tech consumers!
owkei, that makes my head spin.

anyway, is it not a great place for our kids to live in where they are encourage to be innovators?

(i’m hesitant to publish this, but what the heck!it’s nice to share ambitions, right?)