first fall

chay and i had talk about the babies falling off from bed when asleep. and, i said that the first time you’d experience your baby ‘accidentally’ fell off from bed is the first time you’d feel the worst guilt of being such a crappy mother.

i still remember the 1st ‘baby falling’ accident i had. it was migi’s (of course). it was christmas day, dec 25, 2004. he was having his morning nap so i put him in the other room. then, i took some quick rest which led to a sleep. it was christmas day, no help around. with all the activities the night before, i was tired and forgot about the baby sleeping at the other room. i just woke up to screaming cry. when i dashed off to the next room, there i saw migi lying flat on his face. terrible terrible guilt. i felt like spanking myself for letting it happen. i felt like i don’t deserve to be a mother. anyway, much drama in there.

then, other mothers told me ‘baby falling’ happens. and, you’d really feel shit about it. so, i took comfort on that thought though it took time for me to forgive myself.

so, anyway, 2 more babies. and, i already lost count how many ‘baby falling’ accident we had. of course, it always feel bad. you cannot totally remove the thought of ‘brain injuries.’ but the guilt is not as bad as the 1st time.

when it was my first time to have a baby, i’m extra protective mother. which is natural, unless, you had a thorough total hands on experience, because you do not know what’s really coming so you tend to be always on guard. i was OC awkward protective back then. i don’t know how to describe it but you’ll know it when you’re over it. =)

between i and mark, i’d actually see myself as more relax over how far kids should go. my rule of thumb is ‘as long as it will not kill them or seriously hurt them, i’d let them be. i trust in God. and, i believe kids are built to last. the designer is one genius wonder Boy.’ so if they want to climb, i don’t mind as long as the height does not look it would seriously hurt them. i let them play with pointed/sharp things (just make sure they’re vaccinated with anti-tetanus though) because really they are not that stupid, and if they hurt theirseleve, well, that’s what you call learning the lesson the hard way.  

really, we just do not know what they’ll get theirselves into when they’re bigger and more on their own. so i do not see why i should fuss much on them cutting their fingers, or losing a tooth, or having scars. it’s a good adventure story to tell their friends in the future. and, it’s the best way for them to learn a lesson or two, without me nagging my soul out.

but despite having this belief, i still do get heart attacks just watching my kids having their heads banging to any hard surface. but you know, let’s just never underestimate the human creation.