i’m bursting your bubble (for soon-to-be-1st-time-mothers)

i really like to post some sort of a guide for new/first time mothers (think of what to expect when you’re expecting kinda book)
but there are so many things i wanted to blahblah that i don’t know where to start
i guess no need to talk about what-to-buy stuffs for newborns because you probably search the net every day, from the time you knew you’re pregnant, of things to prepare
you have probably bought enough to last a life time =)

what i wanted to write is something about preparing yourself emotionally
and, i’m thinking of ways of how to articulate them in a way that would easily sink in to not-yet-but-almost mothers
just like going to school to prep yourself for the real world; and when you hit the real world, it’s just totally different

in my experience, the things you imagined/you assumed/you perceived of what/how it is to have a baby is just soooo different when you actually have the baby in your hands
you probably are attached to the romantic thoughts about babies, hallmark thoughts, that babies are angels, babies are heaven-sent, sweetest that could ever happen to one’s life, the essence of being a woman, the tie that binds you and your partner, and whatever diabetic-inducing thoughts you have about it (well, that’s probably the reason why you make babies, right?).

and, you probably see how cute sharon cuneta with her daughters on nido commercials, or claudine barreto on lactum, or angelina jolie with her united colors benetton family
but please note that they probably have a whole crew of nannies at the back
or, some people would tell me, sincere or not, how cute my kids are, and how fun they are on my multiply posts (bytheway, thank you for those who ‘invest’ time on my posts)
please note that i only posted the ‘cute’ moments of my kids
the ugly ones are locked up in the closet

i thought before, that motherhood is as colorful as the rainbow as sunshiny as the sunshine
i agree babies are angels, are heaven-sent
but it does not mean you’re now going to have a heaven life.

before i was a mother, i was so drunk with beautiful thoughts that when the real baby arrived and then i saw that it’s just not what i imagine it to be
i got lost, disappointed, depressed
i was not disappointed with the baby
i was disappointed with myself of why i cannot achieved those beautiful thoughts
why i cannot be like those smiling family pics on those glossy mags
i was blaming myself that probably i had done something wrong
i was pushing myself so hard on how to solve my 1st baby’s non-stop crying talent, the sleep-only-when-carried, cry-when-put-down, and just everything that is opposite to my sweet thoughts
i was on the brink of going crazy (mmm, crazy man jud hinoon ko daan)
but of course, people don’t see that side
i cried in hide.
because mothers are supposed to have that happy look because they just have a baby
baby are heaven sent, is a blessing
mothers should have to maintain that ‘lucky’ look =)
i beat myself when i’d feel frustrated because i feel guilty of being ungrateful
as baby is God’s gift

so for soon-to-be mothers, do not be too hard on yourself if things don’t come your way
it took me 3 kids before i could say that i could handle well babies (i say babies, not toddlers or school-age kids)
caregivers even need to go to school before they can be caregivers

so goodbye to my beautiful thoughts of having family picnic by the beach/park (things you saw on TV) when even sitting down to have a decent meal was almost impossible to do
i could go on with my blahblah, all the scariest things i could say
but, i’m sure your beautiful thoughts are still floating in your head =)

as mark would say, having baby is like having your life turned 360 degrees
life does not stop
but it might not go on like how you want it to be
as gracia mentioned that she’s looking forward to travelling with their new baby
i say, ‘goodluck!’ (grash, not scaring you ha.)

just like my thoughts before of going to the mall with my baby in a cute stroller (you know how you go ‘aaahhh wow how cute’ looking at mothers with their babies on strollers and cute big bags and you then wish to be like that)
but that simple thing needs a lot of work behind
you probably need like 2 yayas with you – to bring the stroller in case baby hates being put in the stroller, another yaya to carry the big bag, and you carrying the baby, looking for a place to change the nappies because baby decided to poo. and, baby puke his gut out while having lunch. beautiful.
so imagine going to the mall without yaya and you have a stroller, a big bag, a baby to handle who decided to poo. =)
i’d say, we’ll just make tambay here at home. =)
owkei, enough of my life story.
because i know beautiful thoughts are still in your head. =)

anyway, i’d like to share this again. i’d posted this article here before, but i’m reposting this again to share with you. it’s really cute. from my favorite ‘mommy blogger.’

10 things every mother to be should know

My local pg magazine has an article entitled ’10 things every mother to be should know’, so I eagerly turned to the article, wondering how they would manage to articulate that over-whelming, terrifying newborn stage.  Alas, it was a bunch of naff* stuff that didn’t really say much.  So I decided to adapt theirs, and add a few of mine.

So here is ‘10 things every new mother should know’ Tertia style:

1.  Don’t rush home from hospital!
Enjoy your stay in hospital!  Do NOT be too quick to rush home.  Never again (unless you are Rich and Famous) will you have people change your linen for you, bring you food, take away the dirty dishes, watch your baby if you need it, allow you to sleep if you want, answer your questions etc.  Act like a queen while you are there, take full advantage and enjoy those few days because…

2.  Homecoming is f***ing hard.
You know that wonderful fuzzy image of you and husband, sitting there bathed in light, cooing at your gorgeous, quiet newborn?  Doesn’t happen.  Replace aforementioned picture with image of non-sleeping / screaming infant – screaming because…g*d knows why; husband screaming because child is screaming; you screaming because you are bloody exhausted and wish the baby / husband would shut up.  The first few days are damn scary, because…..

3.  Babies cry for no apparent reason
Yes, they cry because they are hungry, tired, wet etc.  But sometimes they cry for no apparent reason. And it drives you crazy.  You will be tempted to tell your baby to SHUT UP.  I am sure if they could talk they would give you a perfectly good reason, like ‘I am scared.  I am tired.  Your breath smells revolting, what the hell did you eat for lunch?  I hate you. You suck as a mother’ etc, but because they can’t talk, you will be at your wits end.  Plus you will have the added extreme annoyance of your husband saying ‘but why is he crying?’  As if by giving birth / adopting, you can suddenly translate baby crying into the local dialect.  When you gave birth / adopted the Dr gave you a manual and said ‘here, just use this handy manual to interpret all those screams into English, in case your husband asks you ‘why is he crying’’.  You will want to kill your husband.  This is common, because….

4.  Your husband might, or might not, turn out to be as your expected
Some husbands are really good at this baby stuff, some aren’t.  Don’t be too upset or disappointed.  Rather be realistic and if he isn’t good at some stuff, let him do other stuff.  Work out what works for you.  Remember as well, husbands can be extremely annoying at the best of times, this is magnified when you have a baby.  Of course it doesn’t help that…

5.  You will not sleep.  Ever again.
Yes, some babies sleep through from six weeks.  Yours probably wont.  And you might think you know what it is like to have a few sleepless nights way back from your college days.  This is different. This is relentless, this is night after night.  Never again will you feel so tired.  Being so tired means that…

6.  You will lose 80% of your brain.
It might, or might not come back again.  We have yet to find out.  The remaining 20% is there to (hopefully) remember how to feed and look after your baby.  There is not much left for any thing else.  As a result….

7.  You will look like shit for a while after the birth
No, you will not fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes for a while.  Unless you are famous and have a personal trainer, or you are Naturally Thin.  In both cases we hate you.  Bitch.  Do not make the same mistake I made and bring ‘thin’ clothes to wear home from the hospital.  Or else, like me, you will have to go home in your pajamas and embarrass your husband by having to walk from the maternity wing, through reception in your PJ pants and slip slops.  You however, will not care because…

8.  You become priority number 999 on your list of things to do
Yes a happy mother makes a happy child and you should look after yourself blah blah blah….. There isn’t enough time to eat, sleep and shave your legs.  To be honest, sleeping is way more important than having hair-free legs.  It’s not as if you will be having sex soon because…

9.  Sex will be the furthest thing on your mind
Sex?  Are you bloody mad?  Who the hell feels like sex with in the first year after the birth, when you are bone tired, covered in spit up and old milk?  Your husband, the poor deprived bastard, that’s who.  And because you feel so sorry for the poor bugger you will have to give in occasionally.  You will do the deed with one ear open, listening for the baby, thinking of a million things you should be doing, because

10.  Your life will never be the same again.
It is no longer about you, your whole life has changed and it is now all about this new little life you brought into this world.  And you know what, in spite of every thing, it is pretty fucking amazing!

Enjoy!  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

source: http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/2005/03/10_things_every.html