the 2nd time i saw mat, when he was delivered to my room (24 hours after the operation), i was not so excited seeing him. love was never a question though. but i just felt like, ‘okay, just another baby to take care, clothe, feed, lose some sleep, love, and so on and so on. a year or 2, and he’ll be on his own and me too. so suck it in, rose. kay tinoyuan!’
i felt guilty about it. but i guess i was too tired from the operation, add to that i never had a break before i gave birth — getting thru day-to-day life between 2 kids and the night job which i quit from just before giving birth. plus, unlike with migi and meg, i was having a hard time during the operation, and my whole hospital stay (i had a high bp rate) with mat. so i felt so spent out to battle out with another baby.
but on our 4th day in the hospital, when were supposed to be released already, i was jolted when the pedia declared she could not discharge mat because she found him too yellow. she needed mat to be monitored so she firmly ordered us to stay 1 more day just to be sure about every thing. she did not like to take any risk. right then and there, i felt something knocked on my ‘asleep’ state. i felt soooo guilty for being so uncaring towards mat, for taking him for granted. from then on, i promised there’s no way i’ll ever let go of my baby without a fight. ako jud pakamatyan si baby mat. i’m going to shower him with all the warm hugs and kisses (thus his face has rashes always).
i guess that was God’s way of making me see how precious mat is, like migi and meg and other kids. somehow, i felt thankful for that incident because it gave me that important realization.
we, the 2 of us, were released the following day. =)