guilty?

honestly, i’m not that excited with my baby number 3. sometimes i feel guilty about it. but of course, it does not mean that i love this baby less. it’s just that having baby one after another, there’s nothing much new to look forward to. and, i have not developed that ‘amnesia,’ of forgetting the not-so-easy parts of child rearing(?).

every time i try to imagine cuddling a cute litow baby, all i could see are 3 screaming kids.
when i imagine putting the baby lovingly and gently to his crib, i will see 2 kids also screaming and fighting wanting to be inside the crib too.
when i imagine walking around with the baby in the stroller, i could see 2 little people fighting who will push or who will ride the stroller.
all i can see not 2 but 3 little people soon fighting over the remote control, toys (even if each one of them has the same toy), who gets which pillow, who gets to sleep beside who, who gets to  open the door, and just whatever little things.
and, don’t let me start thinking about kids getting sick!!!

sanity, please do not leave me!