skeletons in my closet

in time for halloween, i want to air out some black skeletons hiding in my closet which are hiding there for years… and, lately it’s beginning to haunt me. excess baggages trying to kill your peace of mind. things i’m not comfortable thinking or talking about. which, unfortunately, instead of facing them, i’m also trying to hide and run away from them because i’m scared of what pandora box i’ll be opening.

i do not know how to say this but the thing is that my parents are separated since i’m 8 years old (i’m not really sure but i think i’m 8 at that time). it’s not about 3rd party but i’m not sure what is the real cause of their separation — i hear different versions so i do not know which is true or all of them can be true. i’m not bitter about the separation or is there any hate about what happen. well, if it’s what’s best for everybody then be it.

what i really wanted is closure. closure with my tatay… but i do not want to go over to my tatay without my nanay’s consent. well, i really do not what’s between them but i also want for the 2 of them to have some sort of closure too. but, knowing my nanay, the last time this issue was brought up, she was angry. my nanay is hypertensive so this kind of stuffs should be taken carefully with her.

but before i could have those above closures, there’s a need for me to close the communication gap between me and nanay. blame it on the 36-year gap between us plus the thing that since highschool, i was away from her. righteous consevative mother vs UP environment growing up daughter. i’m not a rebel kid but there are things i come to accept that for her are mortal sins. i think growing up, i keep 2 faces — the one which i assume how my mother would want me to be, and the other one which is more like I (i really do not know how my friends see me but that’s it). if you think of this dilemma(sp?), it’s easy as 1 + 1. but sometimes, life is complicated, just like that. =)

so this all souls day, i will light candles for our souls, and for all those who have some  ‘excess baggage’/cross/whateveryoucallthem to be able to find that closure and  peace of mind.

happy all souls and saints day! =)