teenage mother angst

burn out and suicidal — my current state of mind.
* the tasks i dreaded and trying to get away from are thrown at me just days before christmas. perfect timing.
* my kids are over to the max hyperactive + hardheaded – perfect mother-killer combination. i’m sooo tempted to give them sleeping pills
* and, i can’t start doing the new dreaded tasks assigned to me because my kids are all over me. (and, here i am multiplying)
* i feel so tired and worn out, i need some upper so i eat.
* eating to feel happy is bad because it makes me more obese.
* more obese = deeper depression
* two weeks enrolled to gym but only been there twice. big clap for my effort.
* major insensitive husband — don’t let me start on this.
* now, i don’t know where to go,what to do. i’m like groping in the dark and i wish that i’d fall into a deep endless manhole.

i feel like getting so drunk and puking out my guts, then roll over my puke! it would definitely make me feel better.

(rose, stop it! think of those mothers alone taking care of their 8 kids in a row — they survive! you’re such a major whiner! no christmas presents for you!)

but let me be, i rarely complain! i’m crazy! owkeis, i’ll think of mothers who have 12 kids in a row, alone taking of their kids plus household chores plus working out to bring food to their table! shame on me!

God, thank you for every thing but for now please let me whine!