Montage of Kurt Cobain = that daddy issue

(Not a movie reaction paper.)

When i saw friends posting about this lifestory movie of kurt cobain, i asked mark to find ways that we can watch it. 

I cannot remember if i was a fan of nirvana, but i can remember that i kind of thought of them as the “backstreet boys” of the alternative music in the 90s. They’re like everywhere. My roommate had all their cassete tapes. I used to listen to a closed friend, who was a UMD (universal motion dancers) fan, gushed over being torn between kurt and eddie vader(sp?). All the friends wanting to be in Ka Pedro’s Brown underground show had probably rehearsed a nirvana song. A songhits cover of Kurt Cobain/nirvana had probably been pinned in one of the rooms of the boardinghouse i used to live. And, i had foo fighters cassete tape.
Back in those ’90s, there was no online social media so kurt’s story was a mystery. That’s why i really want to watch the movie.
And, kurt cobain’s (part of) story is that familiar daddy / mommy / broken family issue. His parents divorced, which led him to being passed around from father-mother-relatives and so the rejection / wanting-to-belong which is the very first in Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs has not been satisfied. According to the movie he had some acceptance / rejection issue which led him to becoming that “great” artist in the hope of getting accepted. I dunno if it was a malcolm gladwell book which pointed out how “outliers” came from a broken family: steve jobs, larry elison, jeff bezos, bob marley, etc and mark john (who is not in the book).

So while watching the movie, mark had this all commentary on the side of how he is like kurt — great way to experience the movie!

Mark John has an extraordinary issue with rejection, way before the outlier theory became popular. And since it has been used to explain how people with extreme personalities came from having daddy issues, mark john has been consciously using it also to explain his paranoid-level kind of rejection issues. He now used it to explain why he has always the need to be “great” at programming (please let it be) because he wants to be accepted. Poor boy!
I would have believed it right away, but then i also came from that circumstance. We both are raised single-handedly by mothers. And unfortunately, it did not get me anywhere to becoming outlier. Well, except for getting a boyfriend who thinks he is. My rejection issue is as normal as a selfie, I mean everyone has that rejection/acceptance issue but unfortunately i’m not as obsessed as kurt or even Mark. (Or wait, i should “eat, pray, love” first to find out.) anyhow, i’m writing this down as a sign that i am accepting Mark’s rejection issue.
Back to the movie, i’m somehow amazed at how kurt can be really hardworking (hardworking in a sense on how he demanded his mates for daily scheduled rehearsals, on how he had to manually send demo tapes). And later on, it’s amazing how he was able to pull it together — hardworking / creative while stoned. 
I wish he did not end up with Courtney though. 
I researched about the movie, and it’s actually produced by his daughter. She wanted to know who is father, and in a way demystify him so somehow his fans will stop putting him so much on a pedestal. But the thing is, anyone who had done and gone through that much will always be mystifying. 

The Last Stash of Earphones

When we went getting their school supplies at SM, migi told me that we should get him new long pants for his uniform because he’s already grade 5. And, it struck me, really this is happening?!? I already have a kid who is going to be in long pants like those big kids prepping up to the teenager phase?!? 

Once i told myseld that when i have a kid age-ing 10 years old, that’s a sign i’m really old. Migi turned 10, and i let it passed. And, i told myself again that when i have kid who will be wearing long pants as school uniform, it’s that legit sign i’m already old.
And, now it will be happening.
I dunno if it’s my getting “old” that i’m resisting or it’s my kids no-longer-babies i resist.
But then i’m not really the sentimental mother who wishes their kids to be with them forever, or who follows the “be with your kids always because they’ll only have 1 childhood” or who wants to be the only person most adored and most loved by their children.
So i’m trying to think what am i really trying to hold on to getting sentimental watching my kids growing up?!?
I love that they’re big enough to get all their school supplies while i just stand on the side waiting for them to finish.
But i don’t like seeing some “unnecessary stuff” they picked up, and their choices of items that can be on the expensive side. They already have a mind of their own – i guess that’s what i’m resisting? πŸ™‚
And that with 3 kids having their own choices of what to watch/listen, i’m getting a rival with the earphones in this house and probably with other stuff soon. And, somehow, they can now tell which one is better. So i’m left with the “lata-sounding” earphones.
So today, i no longer have much choice but to open the very last earphone i’d been saving away from my kids. 

And, now i’m sad because i’m only getting sentimental over an earphone. But damn my kids growing up, just spare me a good earphone! And if you do rob me of my earphone, please spare your ears from that “centuries” song. 

Diary of a Whimpy Adult

School nurse: ma’am, ngano sige man ka katakilpo?
Me: Tanga man gud ko.
And, i could read from the school nurse’ facial expression that she did not know how to react to my “negative” description of myself. So i explained to her that my mind is always “flying away” or is filled with other thoughts, and so i don’t pay attention to what’s infront or what’s happening in the present.
Thankfully the latest incident of “takilpo,” which sprained my recently sprained ankle, happened in my kids’ school. There were a handful of people who helped, and most especially a nurse was there. She did not let me move much, and she iced it, and bandaged it. And it made a lot of difference. The bruising and swelling did not progress much, unlike my previous ones. Or maybe my ankle just got tougher in handling this kind of beating.

Thank you to the people who helped me. πŸ™‚

Please let this be the last “takilpo,” Lord.

Western Visayas Trip Day 10: the last hurrah – coffee

I picked up some pasalubong from Sir Jess Cafe in Bacolod – the usual piaya with a twist of being “organic” and herbed. But then thinking about it, the only way for a piaya to be “healthier” is to remove the sugar which then it will no longer be a piaya.

I was also hoping to bring this Mt. kanlaon beans but expiry date seemed to show it’s way pass expiry already.

But forget about Mt. kanlaon beans, I got a “native coffee” in San Carlos City, the place of the port where we took the ferry back to Cebu.
I was paying one of those port fees when the smell of coffee from the staff assisting me really smells good. I was salivating. So i commented to him that his coffee really smells good. He replied that its his 3rd cup for the day already. I could not help and ask him more where he’d get it. He then pointed to me to get it just outside the port for P5, Janeth Native Coffee.
“Is that legit?” was the first question that popped from my head when I saw the total opposite of “starbucks-looking” coffee shop. 
When I got inside, it was a busy place. The small dirty kitchen seemed to be always boiling water, while the “barista” was filling cup after cup of coffee for their patronizers: porters, tricycle/sikad drivers, the whole neighborhood, and me.
This place is run by a dou. I dunno if they’re a couple or what. πŸ™‚ 
I asked if beans were from Mt. kanlaon. The woman replied no; they’re from the “market,” which then they roast on their own.
They also told me that I can buy the coffee strainer at the market for P25.
Funny, how coffee became too complicated to my understanding — the type of brewing, the origin/kind/elevation of beans, the water temp, etc etc. In this place, it’s just coffee.  

How can I make things complicated some time.


Anyhow, here are other few things you can do in San Carlos City while waiting for your ferry schedule. πŸ™‚

1. Dine at The Portside. The place is clean, and their food are decent enoughz πŸ™‚

2. Pick some fruits at this mountain highway before going down to the town proper. Compared to Cebu prices, it’s way so cheaper. And, They only use paperbag. 

Western Visayas Trip Day 9 (#wvtrip): BACKolod

The first plan was to cross to Bacolod today then head straight to San Carlos City to get on a ferry boat back to Cebu. But it seems too much of a stretch, and so we decided to have an overnight stay at Bacolod.

We’re on Tri-Star shipping this time. They’re much cheaper than Montenegro. But for an OC kind of person, the pier/port system of Dumanggas, Iloilo / Bacolod can be chaotic / unsure. It’s like you just wait there and hope that you still have a slot in the ferry because they prioritize the cargo trucks. So if you’re running on a schedule, you better be there very early.
***
We’re a creature of habit. So we went back to Nature’s Village Resort – my or our most favorite accommodation in this trip. It’s actually in Talisay City (not Bacolod), 2 blocks away from the Ayala’s The District. I guess we’re too tired to try another place, etc.

Then for lunch, the L’ Sea dimsum resto became a habit too. It’s probably the equivalent of Dimsum Break except they don’t have the steamed fried rice. They have rice toppings instead. I love their Shrimp dumplings. 
Cake shops every where is something unique in Bacolod. Iloilo does not have that many cake shops. Thankfully Cebu has not that much too (but the Jap cakes at Mickie’s Cafe is !!!), maybe cupcakes?.:) Unfortunately, we’re too lazy to go around and we ended up again in Calea. 
Are Bacolod people big readers because it seems every mall has Booksale? We got around 20books for P1000 — good deal compared to only 2 or 3 brand new books in NBS or fullybooked for 1k. πŸ™‚
We watched Tommorow Land at Robinson’s in Bacolod city.

And to the last night of this #wvtrip. πŸ™‚

Western Visayas Trip Day 8: From La Paz Market to Smallville

If Mark and I were personalities of areas in Iloilo City, I’d be La Paz Market and Mark would be The Atria (ongoing Ayala business park construction).

Two years ago, we stumbled in La Paz Market by random chance. We were ready to eat “authentic” batchoy from Ted’s (a more popular resto joint) when a hotel guard pointed us to get inside the La Paz Market, and go to Netong’s. 
And, I fell inlove with it. It’s like being surrounded by life comic in action in the background. (Below photo 2 years ago)
This time, it’s easier to discover Netong’s – no need for Manong Guard’s recommendation. It’s in top 10 of foursquare, and it has a branch at The Atrium. And, I wished they maintain the no-taint window. I felt seeing the chaotic public market from the inside was part of the charm back then.
***
So this time i was hoping we can stay near the La Paz Market area but it’s tough luck… especially with Mark’s choices. 
But luck is on me because the hotel, La Casa Granja, we ended up booking is actually in La Paz district (Iloilo has 7 districts), and it was probably 2-3 blocks away from La Paz Market.

So early in the morning, i did my best to get myself around the area despite having a painful foot from the previous day’s early run mishap. Because it’s hard to drag Mark and the kids around the market.
I noticed that Iloilo has this arrangemet of each district of putting their plaza, church, and market nearb each other. So somehow you can feel a strong local culture in this area.
And the whole area is generally clean, and they have this ads plastered in the areas of keeping and preserving their market.

I went inside, and a few turns, i found Madge Cafe.

It was hard to resist not getting inside jt, and order Paolo Lim’s suggested perfect cup of coffee.
So yes the Madge Cafe coffee is good in a way that it has a distinct taste, not the usual decent-enough coffee shops kind of taste. It’s something like I can only get at this cafe. But i think what makes it special is, like that of Netong’s, is its location. 

Surely, other coffee shops have probably better coffee and nice interiors but they can never replicate the feel of life around it. 

I felt awkward taking pictures becuase no one seems to be taking photos of their drink for instagram, except me. 

But i took the courage of asking the guy in front of me to take a mug shot of me. This was awkward! 

And, I could call it a day already.

On the 8th day of this #wvtrip, it kinda feels I-wanted-to-be-home-but-not-yet. We’re too lazy to take a time-needy activity so we’re more of like “window travelling.”
The order of day was like getting from
different timelines of Iloilo:
La Paz Market
Someone looked wanting to ejected from the place already. 

I dunno if it’s foursquare and internet that Netong’s had expanded, and was definitely crowded this time. I wished it was like the first time, but then it’s better for the business. Somehow, Madge Cafe was able to handle it better or maybe it’s because coffee could not really be that popular compared to batchoy. 

Anyhow, it was nice to see that Iloilo was able to keep their “old-time” culture into recent. Compared to Cebu, either i’m unaware, but it’s just hard to find the old Cebu culture — whatever was it?!? 
Next, we went to Museum Iloilo in keeping to have an “educational tour.” This felt kind of so poser because I dunno how to explain the displays in the museum to the kids in an interesting way.

An old building beside the Museum Iloilo which seemed to be under rehabilitation.

The Atrium
This is an Ayala development project. I think they’re aiming to finish this by APEC time but some shops are alreay opened in this area. There is Netong’s Batchoy resto in this area, which we found out too late. 
We hanged out at this coffee shop for frap drinking people. 
And, finally Mark is in his zone.

Among the 3, mati has the curiousity for coffee. 

Old and new way of doodling.

Then to more window-travelling.
If Cebu loves skywalk and flyovers, Iloilo is more “sosyal” — they’re into “bridges.” I dunno how many bridges are crossing the Iloilo river.

Smallville
It’s a food/bar/hotel strip in Iloilo. Our hotel has a mediterranean resto in this place, and gave us a discount card. So it was a no-brainer option.
So we ended our day with kebab! Their food was not a disappointment. But, i felt they need a rebranding because La Casa Granja sounds more of a Spanish resto than meditarranean. 
And something of a surprise is that they serve “corn” for “rice.” πŸ™‚
That was a long ilo-ilo day despite just being rxperienced mostly from the car’s windows.

Western Visayas Trip Day 7 (#wvtrip): halo-halo

My organizing skills is to the negative 100. And with stuff for 5 people, our room during moving-out time looked like a halo-halo with a lot of ingredients.

At the beginning i sorted the clothes into: clean and dirty. Later on, it became clean, dirty, and acceptable dirty for recycle. That’s when I realized that UNDERWEAR is the best investment in long trips because it’s that item i just cannot fathom to recycle. 

After 3 nights in Boracay, it’s time to turnaround and retrace our way back to Cebu.

And after 3 nights, Meg collected 3 heart-shaped stones with the bros helped,
(Meg has been collecting this heart stones for some time. I just don’t know if she were able to keep them all.)
…while I donated a few drops of blood after a stupid “emergency” moves into the bush during my last morning run. I just could not hold “it” anymore so when an “opportunity” came, i jumped without looking and landed on a thorny plant. 
But it was probably worth it – i just don’t want to miss the beautiful morning aroung Brgy. Yapak (there are 3 barangays in Boracay i think) for the last time. 

***

It was going to be a 160km+ ride to Iloilo, where we’d take a break and a quick tour of the city. And, so it’s time to roll up the chairs at the back to give way to a sleeping area. πŸ™‚

There they look like halo-halo. πŸ™‚
The ride back to Iloilo was a different experience this time because it’s in day time. We got a better view — which is a halo-halo of farms after farms after farms. πŸ™‚ 
It made me feel, if doomsday would come (God forbid), they have a better chance of surviving over Cebu because everyone grows their own food.

We got a “break treat” of watching farms when we had our lunch break at Saylo Restaurant. At first, i thought it’s that yet generic resto serving yet generic popular dishes of buttered chicken and crispy pata. But no, they don’t have buttered chicken, only chicken katsudon. πŸ™‚ That solved the kids’ wish. 

I had native chicken in coco milk sthing. I forgot the name, but it’s a local dish. Mati loved its soup so it must be good.

Western Visayas has this thing for chicken dishes. They have a whole halo-halo variety of chicken dishes.

There were halo-halo paintings displayed in the resto, and according to the staff it’s because one of the owners is an artist.
I don’t have an eye for an art so I tried my best to pick my favorite among the displays. Actually, i just pick the most colorfuls! πŸ™‚

Then came the dessert: halo-halo. And it made me think that i must come back to Kalibo! 

If i’d be in another province or city, i always tried my best to find that “local taste.” And, definitely it’s not a compatible activity with my kids because it could take too much time picking and going to this places and they may not like the “exotic” food. Thus in the whole trip, the food were good but they’re the usual generic dishes that are default “yummy.”
So I was so happy to be in a place where my kids’ and my “wish” collide. They got their kind of chicken dish and my kind of chicken dish. And the halo-halo, and jackpot that their coffee was better than good. πŸ™‚
After this halo-halo, nothing matters any more.

(At Casa La Granja, Iloilo – the home for the next 2 nights.)

Western Visayas Trip Day 6 (#wvtrip): the mall called boracay

In the morning, I tried to be that “local.” I rode a tricycle to the Bulabog Church ( Sto. Rosario Church) to attend the 630am mass. It’s near d’mall. 

This day, I honestly no longer know what should we do. I was just ready to leave the island. I think 1 whole day in Boracay is long enough for the kids to do: visit the beaches, watch sunset, stroll on the beach. And, this day the kids had somehow categorized Boracay into the Beach and the mall.
Below are some of The ducks at Alta Vista de Boracay, which usually freely roam the place in the
mornings.
Boracay the Beach.

So the beach for them is in the northern area, the Puka beach. 
In this family, these 2 below are not big beach persons – another reason why there’s no use to stay longer.
While i and the 2 boys can be forever soaked in the sea. 
Boracay the Mall.

For them the Boracay stations 1-3 is the Mall. 

The night was then for the few things we had not yet done at the mall:
Dining by the beach. The previous day, we got so stuffed at the BBQ joint and Real Coffee that we passed on dinner, and went straight home after experiencing sunset. I just picked bread and mayonaisse from a grocery before heading back to the hotel.
The easiest spot for us was Aria. They have faster service now. Migi and Mati loved the 4-cheese pizza. I find The veggie salad disappointing. Their pastas was generically good. But the Boracay breeze was lovely.

Dessert at the mall.
Ice cream.
Mati said I had 4 hands. 
Milk tea. @.@ Too lazy to roam around, we just picked on what’s on our way to exit of D’Mall.
Footfie / Crocfie. We passed by a crocs shop, and meg suggested we should have a photo of our crocs together. Duh! πŸ™‚

Western Visayas Trip Day 5 (#wvtrip): “private beach” (my birthday post)

The 5th day of our trip, May 18, was my birthday. 

I always look forward to creating a blog post on / for my birthday, but as always, when it arrived, i just lost the excitement of “publishing” one. Every year, I have these drafts and drafts of birthday post for myself written mentally and in my notes. But came the big day, i cringe at them / my thoughts. 
***
Mark said that my birthday would fall in Boracay during this #wvtrip. I was speechless. In my mind, “watdafuq, how did it ever cross his mind that I would want to be birthday-ing in Boracay.”
Somehow, it felt like my life has been like that. Things just happen to me without me exerting effort. 
***
Days before going on a trip, a college batchmate asked what’s my work. I replied, “none.”
To my surprise, she exclaimed, “Wow? You’re so lucky!” 
I don’t know if she was being polite or she really meant it. Anyhow, in doubt, take the positive take.
Somehow, my life feels like that. I get lucky doing nothing.
***
Early in the morning of the 5th day of #wvtrip, i went for a run. My feet brought me to Puka Beach and Punta Bunga Beach. There’s an access road to these beaches which seems to be shared among the hotels in these area. 
PRIVATE BEACH. I booked a transpo service with the hotel staff to Puka Beach . But he kept referring to it as “private beach” while I kept saying Puka Beach. 
It confused me because beaches cannot be private right? And i felt we’re referring to the same beach. Puka beach is a public, reserved beach — it cannot be private. But maybe there’s really a “private beach.”
Mark told me I looked funny engaging in that “private beach” discussion. He told me that I just need to accept it as that, and minimize being “politically correct.”  
Sometimes, my life feels like that. I feel like I complicate it too much for me to handle. And it robs me off the joy of living?

 

Do you make life or life happens to you? 

I have the bias that life is more meaningful when you go for it/create it, and not just wait for it to happen. The thing is i’m also too coward to go out, chase it, and make it. And, it probably is not “politically correct” to say that one is living a lesser kind of life just because he chooses to wait for life to happen.

I’m already 34. I once said it’s okay to be sad. But when everyone around you is making things for you to be happy, i’m too selfish / ungrateful to be sad.

So yeah the “Private Beach” can probably add more hapiness. 
***
Enough of my chaotic thoughts. 
One thing i’m sure though is that my kids’ chatter never fails to feel like sunshine…whatever beach we are in.
While taking the below photo,
Kids: ‘Ma, unsaon nimo pag apil sa picture?
Me: selfie na lang ta.
Kids: never mind.
That surfer dude with boobs… Sometimes, i’m thankful for having a husband who, i’d like to believe, gets us into situations that requires me to think more. But sometimes, i wish i did not know to think more.
Then i do not have to overthink about being politically correct happy, and meaningful life over happy life?!? 
And as my birthday gift to myself: I deserve a PAID SELFIE just like a beach branded as “private beach.”
(I paid P100 for this selfie. It’s meaningful happiness because I contributed to the economic gain of this Human Statue of Boracay.)

Then i guess why being sad is easier because there’s no need to be bothered by being meaningful or not about it.

Western Visayas Trip Day 4 (#wvtrip): North Korea to SG

Since we arrived very late at 11pm, everyone was sleepy that we did not care much about the place we’re staying, Sampaguita Gardens. Honestly, there was nothing wrong with it for me except that Mati, the youngest, commented that he found the place creepy.

It was situated in New Washington, a nearby town to Kalibo, close to the airport area. It was by the beach, but you cannot directly go to the beach from the hotel because there’s a seawall. Anyhow, it gave the hotel a good feel.
Mati was actually referring to the Angel statues of the hotel.
It turned out that the hotel is owned by Sam Butcher, the creator of Precious Moments. I really thought at first that either the owner is obsessed with Precious Moments, and he ripped it off in Aklan. πŸ™‚

I think kids will love the place because it’s like being in a childhood fantasy, there’s a Christmas Village.

There’s some sort of mini theme park.

Except that it seems they’re not able to maintain these facility.

NORTH KOREA. If you had seen documentaries of North Korea, the resto or the whole places seems to look like one in North Korea. There were a lot of staff with only us and another group who were there. 

So it felt weird because it seemed they wanted to look busy but then there’s nothing to be busy about.
Added to that, the restaurant / reception area has no window maybe to recreate the “White Christmas” where Sam Butcher came from.

But their accommodation is clean and good enough, and the place is quiet.

The place looked like it was in a University belt because there are universities and colleges nearby. Since it’s “coastal,” it’s a perfect place to do a quick run.

But it’s just sad to see their beaches littered with garbage.
(Path to the beach.)

We then left early to caticlan, jump-off to Boracay.

It was probably the safest time to do a road trip because it’s also the week of APEC 2015. The whole stretch from
Kalibo to Caticlan, Aklan was posted with Police / Security station.

And maybe because of Boracay, the road and the area is just a pleasant to drive by.

(At the Caticlan Jetty Port. Boat schedule seems to be every minute.)

SG. We stayed at Alta Vista de Boracay, at the northern part of Boracay.
It’s probably 5km+ away from the popular Boracay Station 1-3. But it’s near the Puka beach, and Punta Bunga beach, and Ilig-iligan beach.

Boracay in the  northern area, gives the feel of Singapore because of the buildings left and right with a pocket of protected “trees” and beach areas, and with the hotels in the area having their own transport system — there’s that elysium feeling and that people to be living on dictated schedule unconsciously. 
In a way, it kinda fits Mark perfectly. πŸ™‚