emotions

i felt posting about sadness. i just chatted with a friend about this, and read her recent posts. while chatting with her, i was trying to recall when did i ever feel the saddest, the lowest point of my life. i remember back in college, we’re asked by ms g to write the happiest and saddest moment of our life in her socsci class. the replies i still remember from my classmates were from being together with their bf/gf, together with the family, breaking up, death and such. if i remember right, my answer to saddest event was when i failed calculus back in high school. i think because it was my first ever red mark but definitely not the last. and, my happiest was being together with my family and relatives.

but now, thinking about it, i could just laugh at that red mark and other red marks.

so again, i tried to search when did i ever feel the saddest.
* i was living in a boarding house for 8+ years of my life. when i entered 1st year college, i got so close with my roommate. she’s waray. when 2nd year came, she transferred to up tacloban. i was so devastated. i was crying the first few days of school opening watching at our stupid posters and vandals on our walls. from then on, i had myself shielded. i tend not to get close and attached to my roommies. until i get to be with tatz. =)
* when my mother had a stroke. but i think it’s scared that i felt more at that time. i was scared because i don’t know what to do. i just got out from college, i’m an only child, and we’re so broke. i remember my mantra during those times, ‘this too shall pass.’ and, indeed they all pass. one of the best things that came out of that was that i was able to reconnect with my faith in Him.
* i have an excess baggage which i’m not very much comfortable about, even just thinking about it brings up mixed emotions — sadness, fear, guilt. i think more of guilt. it sometimes haunts me. it’s like a monster lurking around the corners. =(